Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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