he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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