Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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