I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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