she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
