i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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