just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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