White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Did I show you my penis last night?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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