I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
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i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
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I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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