You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
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the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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