Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
