I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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