Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
