Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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