He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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