i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
