I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
