u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
