i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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