WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
