oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
