so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
