I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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