I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
