My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
