The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
