.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
