I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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