Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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