this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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