FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
