I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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