I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Sober January is a disaster.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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