my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
