Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!