I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
