i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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