my sisters under your porch take her home
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
