He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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