i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
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He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
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Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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