you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
