i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Randomize
