They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
