I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
