Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
