I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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