Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
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I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize