just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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