If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
