why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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