so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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