Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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