At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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