A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
