and she was petting her beer can
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
