He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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