can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
