No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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