please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
