HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
