I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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