Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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