I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
