Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
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I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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