I think I am morally bankrupt
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
