It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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