I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
