well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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