just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
