no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
