he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
