I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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