exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
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Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
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He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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