Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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