i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
