girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
