Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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