Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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