He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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