rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
