Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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